Why I don’t fear God.

I was raised in a strict pentecostal church. Almost everything was a sin. I did not understand why God wanted life to be miserable for his people. I tried to be saved, but the rules were more than I could deal with. I wasn’t happy to have God in my life because I felt like I was in a cage and being poked with sticks no matter what I did. I knew there was something wrong!

I couldn’t adhere to the rules but I still felt God close to me. I still loved him but felt like a failure. Then I met God on more realistic terms. I’m not saying everything is ok to do, it isn’t, but God’s interest in you is a one on one relationship, not your clothing, makeup, or hair. Things in the new testament are not rigid like it was in the old testament. People couldn’t have a one on one relationship in the old testament, only a select few could be in his presence one on one.

When I was a little girl, I never feared God even though preachers had made it sound like any little sin was going to anger God. That I was dirty no matter how hard I tried to live right, my deeds were never going to make God happy. Well, my deeds never would be enough but his sacrifice paid for my righteousness once I asked Him into my life.

Until recently I couldn’t understand fearing God, then I realized it was fear of not knowing God. With all this talk of a new world order, the awful child abuse being exposed, a one-world money that is in the process of knocking on our door, and the politicians who are dirtier than dirt itself. Their complete control of our world is growing in leaps and bounds. Facing the filthy truth of the condition of my world without God scares me and it should. He is the only one that can hold my hand as I stumble through this dysfunctional world.